Nothing particularly thrilling has occurred on this, my first official shift as booth attendant at a waterfront parking garage in Portland, Maine’s downtown district. Various customers, overly eager and chatty, have made attempts to draw a smile or laugh from me – all successful. I hate to disappoint would-be comedians. Despite having to feign amusement at joking customers, this job is pretty fantastic. It pays just about the same as (or more than) any job I’ve ever held, and comes with a refreshingly low level of responsibility. People park, they pay me, they leave. My relationships with customers are fleeting and uncomplicated. The job also comes with some pretty luxurious bonuses, which I have laid out in bulleted form:
Perks of Working in a Parking Garage
- Free Cable Television. It may not seem like much of a workplace bonus to others, but I was elated upon arriving at work to find Jurassic Park streaming across the screen of our 19-inch, dome-front, Orion television set. Afterwards, I listened to Dennis Farina recount terrifying mysteries of the unsolved variety (he’s no Robert Stack, but the stories and reenactments are still passable), and now I find myself enjoying some crime programs on A&E. I haven’t had cable television since moving out of my parent’s place seven years ago, and I certainly don’t intend to miss a chance to catch-up on the mass media drivel I’ve so dearly missed.
- Free WiFi. It works better than the connection that I’m paying for at my apartment. Seriously. (How does wireless internet science manage to prevail in this giant concrete structure but can’t manage to span the three stories in my apartment building?)
- Nary a Coworker in Sight. No annoying work habits to put up with, boring small talk to make, or awkward social situations to deal with because I work alone! Aside from the occasional visit from the maintenance man, touting the new LED lights he’s been installing, I am all on my own.
- Chairs. This job would be awful without my cushy, spinny, fake-leathery desk chair.
- WATCHING DRUNK OLD PEOPLE MAKE OUT. THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT THIS SECOND! Is this a perk? Absolutely not! But it is occurring right this moment to the left of my booth. I hope they don’t fall down the cement stairs on the walk to their car. Also, I hope they fall asleep in said car before attempting to drive anywhere. I think she tends bar near here…yeesh. And while observations of AARP-member make-out sessions may not be highlights of this new employment venture of mine, they certainly fall under the umbrella of the next workplace perk…
- Ideal Vantage Point for People Watching. Sandwiched between the Casco Bay Lines Ferry Terminal and tourist-laden Commercial Street, I am afforded the best opportunities to behold every type of being lurking on Portland’s waterfront. For company, I have dock cats and a homeless man who lives in a sleeping bag on the sidewalk outside of the garage.